Ten Things At Thanksgiving That Sound Dirty But Aren't

Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey, scotch, or JD
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
Step 7: Turn oven the on
Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky
Step 9: Turk the bastey
Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer
Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey
Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours
Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 16: Floor the turkey up off the pick
Step 17: Turk the carvey
Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out

10. You're sure to get at least one of your favorite dishes.

9. The turkey never suffers from modesty.


8. You can nibble before dinner even if mom sees you.


7. You are expected to pass the dishes around.


6. There are always at least two kinds of desert, with or without whipped cream.


5. They give you the day off WITH pay to have dinner.


4. Thanksgiving dinner is a "sure" thing.


3. Seconds are encouraged. Take home, too!!


2. You're expected to fall asleep after dinner.


And the number 1 reason why Thanksgiving dinner is better than sex:


1. You are EXPECTED to watch football BEFORE and AFTER dinner.

10. "Just reach in and grab the giblets."

9. "Whew...that's one terrific spread!"

8. "I am in the mood for a little dark meat!"

7. "Tying the legs together will keep the inside moist."

6. "Talk about a HUGE breast!"

5. "And he forces his way into the end zone!"

4. "She's 5000 pounds fully inflated and it takes 15 men to hold her down."

3. "It's cool whip time!"

2. "If I don't unbutton my pants, I am going to burst!"

. . . and the number one thing that sounds dirty at Thanksgiving but isn't . .

1. "It must be broken 'cause when I push on the tip, nothing squirts out."