Testimony

> FIRST TESTIMONY: I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids
> in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow
> job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband
> didn't say a word...he knew better.
>
>
>
> SECOND TESTIMONY: I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf
>
> balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing
>
> for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen
> who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I
> looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
>
>
>
> THIRD TESTIMONY: My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store
> that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display
> case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied,
> "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh
> hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To
> this day, my Sister has never let me forget.
>
>
>
> FOURTH TESTIMONY: While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler
> decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to
> grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other
> patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she
> would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a
> voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell
> Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was
>
> deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what
> they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the
>
> bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed
> behind me, were screams of laughter.
>
>
>
> FIFTH TESTIMONY: Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
> My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was
> on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in
> between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying
> my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my
> seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny
> had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go,
> and he said "No". I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an
> accident, and I don't have any clothes with me. Then I said, "Danny, are
> you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
>
>
> "No," he replied.
>
>
> I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was
> getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an
> accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and
> spread his cheeks and yelled, "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
>
>
> While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly
> pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by
> thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
>
>
>
> LAST TESTIMONY: This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
> and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely
> think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get
> any....a true story... We had a female news anchor who, the day after it
> was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:
>
>
>
> "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
>
>
> Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were
> laughing so hard!