Mexican Jokes Que?

The Mencias, a Mexican family freely cross over the border to the Land of Milk and Honey where all the streets have been paved with shiny gold. But the husband couldn't find a place to work.. His family was starving so he went to the top of a big hill, kneeled down under a base of a tree, and started praying:
"Jesus, show me the way to feed mi familia, porfavor!"

He had his eyes closed so he does not see the black man coming over the top of the hill, who is stumbling wildly with a broken grocery sack. When the Mexican man opens his eyes, a large wheel of cheddar cheese rolls down the hill an lands at his feet!

"Thank you Jesus, thank you so much!" he cries, grabs the cheese, and runs towards his home. When he returned home, he gave the cheese to his wife and instructed her to make nachos.


"But wouldn't you rather have cheese enchiladas and burritos and other things?" she inquires. "No," the husband says, "Jesus sent this to me with a message... as I ran home, I kept hearing him yell, 'FOR PEOPLE'S SAKE, THAT'S NACHO CHEESE! THAT'S NACHO CHEESE!'

Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second. "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico." The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they'll need - a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. The first guy jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, the second guy isn't able catch him, he falls again, bounces and comes back up again. This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, the second guy misses him. The first guy falls again and bounces back up. This time, he comes back pretty messed up - he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?" The first guy says, "No, the cord was fine, but what the heck is a 'pinata'?"

Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Mexican, and they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?" The German responds, "I will take oil!" So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him ten times. When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move. The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Mexican, "What do you want on your back?" "I will take nothing!" says the Mexican, and he stands there straight and takes his ten lashings without a single flinch. "What will you take on your back?" the Amazons ask the American. He responds, "I'll take the Mexican."

A little Mexican boy goes into the kitchen where his mom is baking. He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face. He says, "Mom, look - I'm a white boy!" His mom slaps him in the face and says, "Go show your father." He goes to his dad in the living room and says, "Look Dad, I'm a white boy." His dad slaps him hard in the face and says, "Go show your grandmother." The boy goes into his grandmother's room and say, "Mira, Abuelita, I'm a white boy." His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him back to his mother. His mother says, "See, did you learn anything from that?" To which the boy replies, "Sure did! I have only been white for five minutes and I already hate you Mexicans!"

What did Davy Crocket say when he saw all the mexicans running towards the alamo?

Who ordered concrete?

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What is the difference between a Mexican and an elevator?

One can raise a child.

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What do you call a Mexican with a new car?

A felon

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Why are there no Mexicans in Star Trek?

They don't work in the future either!

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Did you hear about the two car pile-up in the Walmart parking lot?

50 Mexicans died

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Why do mexican kids walk around school like they own the place?

Because their dads built it and their mom clean it.

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What's a mexican's favorite sport?

cross country

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Why cant mexicans play uno?

Because they always steal the green card

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2 mexicans are in a car, who is driving?

A cop

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Why can't mexicans be firemen?

They can't tell the difference between jose and hose b

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Why were there only 5,000 mexican soldiers at the battle of Alamo?

They only had 2 vans.

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What do you call a group of stoned mexicans?

Baked beans

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When a Mexican runs into a wall whats the first thing that hits?

His Lawn Mower

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How do you stop a Mexican tank?

Shoot the guy pushing it.

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What is the difference between a Mexican and a bucket of crap...?

the bucket

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What do you call a mexican baptism?

Bean dip

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What do you call a mexican that can't do any thing?

A mexican't

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What is the difference between a pizza and a mexican?

A pizza can feed a family of four

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What do you get when you cross a Mexican and a black person?

Somebody too lazy to steal.

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What do you call a mexican that is barefoot and stepped in poop with his toe?

A PUTO

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If there was a maze with a million dollars in the center who do you think would win:
the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, a smart mexican, or dumb mexican?

The dumb mexican, the rest don't exist.

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Why don't mexicans cross the border in 3's?

Because it says no trespassing

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What do you call a midget mexican?

Paragraph because he is to short to be an essay

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Why doesn't the border have electric wires?

Because Mexicans will steal the electricity to power their house.

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Why are Mexicans so short?

They all live in basement apartments.

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How Do You Starve A Mexican?

Put Their Food Stamps In Their Work Boots.

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What do you call 100 mexicans working on a roof?

Chingos

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Juan,carlos,and antonio all jump off a cliff to see who will hit the ground first. who wins?

Society.

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What do you call mexican basketball?

Juan on Juan.

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Did you hear about the winner of the mexican beauty contest?

Me neither.

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What do you get when you cross a mexican with an octopuss?

I don't know but it could pick lettuce good.

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Why don't mexicans bbq?

The beans fall through the little holes.

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What are the first 3 words in every mexican cookbook?

steal a chicken

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Did you hear about that one mexican that went to college?

yeah.. me neither

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What do you call 4 Mexicans in quicksand?

Cuatro Cinco

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how do you stop a mexican from robbing your house?

put up a help-wanted sign

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What's the difference between a bench and a Mexican?

A bench can support a family (sorry, that one is really mean)

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What is it when a Mexican is taking a shower?

A miracle.

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What do you call a pool with a mexican in it?

Bean Dip.

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What do Mexicans pick in the off season?

Their nose.

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A bunch of Mexicans are running down a hill, what is going on?

Jail Break.

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What do you call a Mexican driving a BMW?

Grand Theft Auto.

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Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?

Any Mexican that can run jump or swim is in the US!

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Why wasn't Jesus born in Mexico?

He couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin. (burn)

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Why do Mexicans drive low riders?

They are too short to get into any other type of car.

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What is the greatest Mexican invention?

A solar powered flash light.

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Why do Mexicans re-fry their beans?

Have you seen a Mexican do anything right the first time?

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What do you do when a Mexican is riding a bike?

Chase after him, it's probably yours!

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Why are Mexicans so short?

When they're young, their parents say, "When you get bigger you have to get a good job."

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What do you call a Mexican without a lawn mower?

Unemployed.

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How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Doesn't matter, they're to short to reach the socket.

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How do you get 50 Mexicans is a phone booth?

Throw food stamps in it.